People don't hurt us, our expectations do. To manage our expectations is to manage how we'll eventually feel.
We grow up LEARNING to expect because we see people expect things from us throughout our childhood. For love given, love is expected back. Ditto with respect, space, and more tangible objects. Thus, expecting becomes a ‘habit.’ But how can you better manage your expectations and prevent consequent heartache?
(a) When a dog barks at you or you get soaked in the rain or a big fat mosquito bites you and you fall sick, why don’t you go charging after the dog, the clouds or the mosquito? After all they did something you didn’t expect.
You let it go because it would be stupid to take such things personally. The dog would have barked at anyone crossing his path and the clouds would have soaked anyone in your place at the time.
The same logic also applies to people. 99.999% of the things people say or do are done without giving much thought and if it would have been someone else in your place, they would have said/done it to them too. Even when someone as close as a parent or partner hurts you, they don’t mean it personally.
Truth is people have too much negative energy to burn and frustration to vent, and they don’t pause to think how their words/actions will affect others.
Yes, I know it hurts but PEOPLE LIVE THEIR LIVES AS MINDLESSLY AS MOSQUITOES. No one has the time or energy to personally come after you. They are too focussed on themselves to bother. So please STOP taking it PERSONALLY and let it go.
(b) DON’T PUT ALL YOUR EGGS IN ONE BASKET: If you’re going to invest all your emotions and time in one person or relationship or job or project or idea, it will hurt if it doesn’t take off or breaks down. It’s wiser to invest your emotions in a few things. Love your partner but also spend time with your friends. Work hard on your job but don’t ignore your family. Love your family but also develop some hobbies of your own.
Irrespective of what or who it is, it’s really hard for one thing/person to meet all your expectations. Strive for balance in life and your relationships if you seek peace and happiness.
And invest your emotions as wisely as you invest your money because they can both lead to heart attacks. True story.